singleagain's Posts

My Shame

9/14/2007 10:25:00 AM singleagain
10 Posts

I started drinking when my marriage was on the rocks. I had a small baby and lots going on legally and wasn't coping.

But now I have been separated for a couple of years, and I still drink. As soon as my child is asleep, I crack open a bottle.

I am ashamed and depressed, and in fear of being caught.

How?

9/14/2007 10:52:00 AM singleagain
10 Posts

How, or where does one begin? Who would or should I speak to, who do I tell that I have a problem? I do not want to lose my daughter, that scares me more than anything. I need her by my side-she is the only reason I want to get help.

Re: How honest should you be with new people you meet.

9/14/2007 10:56:09 AM singleagain
10 Posts

I really don't think that it is most people's business. No one needs to know that I have a problem; at least strangers don't. Professionals from whom I am seeking help perhaps, but no, not people I meet.

Re: Feeling Powerless

9/14/2007 10:58:11 AM singleagain
10 Posts

A lot of people need the constant reminder that they are not alone. I know that I am not alone in doing what I do, but still the fear of being caught makes me feel very alone.

Re: So What Do You Buy?

9/16/2007 8:40:09 AM singleagain
10 Posts

Yes, I agree that everyone likes to spoilt their children. But maybe that is just a symptom of the rest of the condition.

Personally I love to shop and I shop quite a lot but it is definitely not an addiction. I am just healthily broke!

Always Strong

9/16/2007 8:43:00 AM singleagain
10 Posts

As the head of a single parent family I often find that I have no choice but to always be the strong one. Sometimes I just can't stand it, all I want to do is be alone and cry-but there are too many people relying on me.

Do you get to be yourself, or is that requirement always there?

Re: The shopping gene in woman

9/16/2007 8:45:28 AM singleagain
10 Posts

I can believe that there is a gene at play simply because logically it makes sense that women have the urge to provide material things for their family. Looking at the evolutionary roles of both sexes, it would make sense.

Re: Can you be to open

9/18/2007 11:50:16 AM singleagain
10 Posts

I agree that there are times you want to keep your past to yourself, or your current situation. I fear so much in my situation that I would have my child taken away from me if people knew, so I keep the secret.

Some might be cool with you, others would shop you.

Starting Out

9/18/2007 11:54:00 AM singleagain
10 Posts

I am glad that I found this place. Already it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. My last couple of nights, although I have had a drink or two, it has been just that. More under control and responsible although it hasn't exactly been pleasant....

I know that I have to see someone now and I have an appointment with my doctor in a few days. The future is looking up.

Re: Church may not be the answer

9/18/2007 11:56:39 AM singleagain
10 Posts

The congregation can provide so much support to a recovering person. There might be people there who have gone through exactly what you have in the past, and if not just the fellowship can help you stay strong.

Is This It?

9/18/2007 11:58:00 AM singleagain
10 Posts

The steps I am making now are for the rest of my life aren't they? Once I start on this there is no turning back, and I will never again be able to look a drink in the face.

I don't really need confirmation of this, I just needed to say it.

I Saw The Doc

9/19/2007 10:43:00 PM singleagain
10 Posts

That was the hardest appointment I ever had. I came away with a huge long script of more pills than I ever took in my life; cerephil (sp?) librium, vitamins, a sleeping pill, something to calm me. I have so many appointments to make and keep that I honestly don't know how people do it.

I have to see a nutritionist, an alcoholism counselor, my doctor, AA meetings every single day...... All this on the promise that they won't make me stay in the hospital. I hope I can do this-my mother has come to stay for a week to take care of my daughter whilst I detox. This is scary.

Re: Is This It?

9/19/2007 10:45:01 PM singleagain
10 Posts

Thank you both. I am scared of going through this. I am not alone, but I am not in the hospital either, as I begged the doctor to let me be near my kid. My mother is here now and she knows everything; she's here to get me through this and help with my daughter.

Re: alcohol myths

9/19/2007 10:48:05 PM singleagain
10 Posts

I would hope that most people would be able to correctly answer the majority of those myths. Alcoholism really is an invisible disease and so we need people to be able to see the patterns in our lives so that they can step in and tell us we have a problem.

First Night Dry

9/19/2007 10:49:00 PM singleagain
10 Posts

It's almost 2am and I am about to take my sleeping pill. This will be the first night in two years that the bottle has not lulled me into sleep. So far I think the drugs are working as I don't feel too bad, but then it has only been 24 hours. We'll see what tomorrow brings eh?

Day Two

9/22/2007 6:47:00 PM singleagain
10 Posts

Hi. I came back to do some more reading online and to try and occupy myself on one of my main drinking nights of the week.

Today is officially day two. Yesterday I could not be online because I was shaky and felt rough, and almost ended up in the hospital. It has been hard not seeing my little girl; I miss her like crazy. But other than going to meetings all I want to do is be in bed, so grandma has her.

I am told that by tomorrow I should start feeling better. AA is helping, talking to folks who have gone through it.

Distraction

9/22/2007 6:50:00 PM singleagain
10 Posts

Well, I am early in my recovery. Consequently I am not doing so well today. I need distraction and am finding that nothing is helping. I tried to watch movies but couldn't concentrate. Reading is the same and I feel too rotten to see people.

This Woman WILL Recover

9/22/2007 6:52:00 PM singleagain
10 Posts

I keep writing and saying things like that to myself. I think that a big difference between men and women recovering is that we are most often the ones with child care responsibilities. That means that we are the ones who can hurt our beloved ones most, and the ones who have to find care sometimes whilst we sort ourselves out.

I am lucky I was able to turn to my mother for help.

Re: choosing between your addiction and family

9/22/2007 6:54:20 PM singleagain
10 Posts

I don't agree with you in all honesty. My daughter has never known me to be a drinker; it happens when she is in bed asleep and I am sober by the time she sees me again, or at least most of the way sober.

If I thought there was a danger of her being taken from me I would have stopped a long time ago. Nothing comes before her.

Re: Foster Home for Children with Addicted Parents?

9/22/2007 6:57:17 PM singleagain
10 Posts

I think that this thread is too generalised. There are many addictions, some to things like prescription meds that in no way impair the parent's functioning. To take a child away in that situation would be cruel.

Other times too the child may never know. You have to look at each case on it's own, not apply a blanket rule to this.

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