I'm really not even sure where to start. My sponsor told me to put all of this in a box in the back of a closet in my mind until I was ready to open it. So here goes- I am 21 years old and I've lost I think 12 friends and close aquaintences in my life... My first loss was at the age of 16 when a girl on my cheerleading squad Jessica and her best friend Tayrn were killed in a wreck that happened on the 4th of July. 2 of my other friends were also in that car and were both severely injured- but I was in the beginning stages of my addiction then and never went through any kind of grieving process- I was out of the country at the time and they were already buried by the time I got back... next my close friend Ryan died from pnemonia- he also was using heavily.... then I don't really remember in what order but I think it was Brandon, then Stacy, then Zed, then Barrell, then Lindsay, then Kevin, then Phillp.... all but one of which died from o.d. or drunk driving, or other drug and alcohol related deaths. These were all so close together there was barely ever time to get used to one of them being gone before it was time to go to the next wake. I don't even know how I am still here- becuase most of the time I was so much more into my addiction than any of them ever even got a chance to be. I still have not begun to deal with any of these losses and am not sure I will ever truly be "over it". I just wanted to cover it all up and I tried really hard to do that. One day the combination of all of that and my meth addiction just broke me down and I was finally able to ask for help. I have since relapsed and I went deeper than I'd ever been- I started shooting up and doing other things I never thought I'd do.... I am almost 6 months clean now and I am nowhere near ready to open my box. I know that one day God will give me the strength I need to deal with those issues, and stay clean through it as well.

Well, I think eventually you have to accept the fact that you've lost many people in your life. But I think you need to take the time to deal with your loss and it's okay to miss someone and not cry. I think in order to start getting your life on track, it's best to do it with a sober mind. I've dealt with a lot of friends who have addictions and when you're really addicted, it helps to give yourself boundaries, set your morals, and find people that will support you through your recovery. Having friends that are into the same stuff you are, isn't healthy for you when you're trying to quit. Nearness is likeness and no one knows that better than addicts. It takes time to make new friends, but once you find your best friend, it's the best feeling in the world.

i think totally bliss is right, your going to need to start making friends who arent addicted to these things because in the end they will end up getting hurt, maybe by dying or just their health and your suffer from it also. try making better friendes, we cant change the fact that you lost all those friends but thats fate. people die everyday. the best thing to do is to try to move on in life and accept that god chose this fate for them. its really good that you are sober now and i really hope you stay that way. keep fighting for it and i wish you the best =)

musky

It's sad to lose friends and it's more frightening to know that the went because of something you have been using all along. I am glad you were able to give up those. Now that you're 6 months clean, you are half way towards recovery. Just never look back and keep going. And you'll be where you wanted to be.

I have lost several people in short periods of time as well. I often think of them and some with very little emotional response. This is normal, the closer you were to someone the more emotional you will become with it. It never goes away but with time it gets easier. You have got to realize that they are not in this messed up world we live in anymore and that they know you care about them.

hold on don't put that in a box , open the box take a good look at that happened to your friends they all need you , they need you to make a change for the better , they all wanted to live they did not want to die , you need to do some thing for all of them , help soem one else any thing

Its really good  that you got sober. Imagine if you did't and would've ended out turning out like one fo your friends who eneded up dying. I'm sorry for all your losses I'm sure that must be so hard. but I have faith that you an get trhough it. Focus on staying sober and the new things that bring you happiness in life. Good luck :)

Your really blessed to have survived your addiction and everything that goes along with it. All those friends of yours weren't as lucky. You should be thankful for that everyday of your life. As for coping with their deaths, I had an ex boyfriend who was really so sweet and nice but I thought of him more as just a friend, he died in a drunk driving accident and I was out of the country and never attended the funeral and still haven't even visited his grave. I dont want to either. I dont feel like he's dead, I feel like he's still there just living his own life and I just haven't heard from him in a while. I feel better thinking of it like that than actually having to cope with his death. It's been 3 years, and things still havent changed. Maybe you'll cope with your friends deaths the same way I did. I think its a blessing from God that I am able to cope with it this way.