My name is Jay. I am only 20 and I already have an addiction that I feel will quickly ruin my credit, financial life, and personal life.
Before I go into my spending problem, let me provide you guys with some background about myself.
I have gone through much psychological turmoil, and am currently diagnosed with ADHD and OCD. A while ago I was diagnosed with Chronic Depression. I have been hospitalized twice for one suicide attempt and abuse of Oxycodone, and I have recieved counseling and medical therapy for years. There are many who have called me "crazy" or "unhealthy", but to me, I am just a human struggling.
I have had a spending addiction for over a year now. Every day, I will go out and spend anywhere from $5 to $50 on stuff I truly don't need. If I don't go out any buy anything, I feel depressed and anxious. On the other hand, after I spend, I feel depressed and defeated. I have overdrafted my debit account countless times, and I can never hold onto cash for long.
I work but I go through paychecks fast. Right now, I have $2200 overall in my bank accounts and CD together, but only a week or two ago, I had $2400 in there. I have managed to spend up to $1000 in one month on things that I dont need. If I don't shop or order things online whenever I feel depressed, anxious, hyper, angry, or otherwise crappy, then I won't feel better through the night until I sleep.
This is a problem that my family passed off until recently. My mom, dad, sister, stepmother, and grandmother all simply thought I was an irresponsible young adult that enjoyed to shop. However, I believe they are starting to get the idea that it is out of control, and is a problem that I can't get a hold of. I have tried several things to defeat this addiction...working with my counselor, distracting myself, keeping low amounts of money in my checking account (while keeping the rest in my CD), hurting myself whenever I would spend (I know this is equally unhealthy, but I was desperate, and I don't do it anymore), talking to people about it...nothing helped. I feel I have two more options: to see how much help I can get here, or to sign up for DA (Debtor's Anonymous) and attend the meetings every week.
I am a student, and a childcare worker. However, I am suffering. I pray every day that my spending will be under control, and I want it more than anything to be controlled, but I can't defeat it. I feel alone because I don't know anyone else with this problem, and when I pray, I am not seeing results.
When I was young, I had a stepfather who was an alcoholic and abusive. When he left, it seems that everyone struggled. My mom gambled a lot, I suffered from Chronic Depression, my sister rebelled...and now here I am, 5 years later, with a spending problem. I feel that I am in the same boat as my ex-stepfather. Now that I know what it's like, I have forgiven him...not because I accept his abuse, but because I understand how much he must have been suffering, and because of the fact that I know it wasn't his fault that he got addicted to alcohol.
I am sick of this. I want to defeat it, but I can't. I want to beat it more than anything, but I feel hopeless.
Help!
-Jay