Condensed

It has been suggested that I include my personal experience with the
issues being discussed. At the age thirteen or fourteen I did heroin
and it relieved me of my problems. They just went away. I looked at all
the things, people, peoples actions, peoples schools and ideas that
used to bother me and although I could still see them, it no longer
concerned me. For the next 35 years I had one primary goal. To stay in
that state of non-concern. I drank until I could no longer physically
tolerate it. My liver could not deal with any more alcohol. I was able
to stay submerged with heroin but that also had it's physical
consequences and limits. Although I'm not going to get in to detail I
will state for the record: I've seen some very bad things, done a lot
of things I'm not proud of and lived through the guilt, anger and fear
associated with "my life". Although I can still experience these
unhealthy emotional states they are, for the most part, gone. I'm no
longer confused or overwhelmed by what goes on in the world of people.
This is not to say I'm not affected from my involvement with it. It's
just that when negative emotions arise, I no longer have to react to
them. After all, I made them.


When I went into my last chemical detox facility I weighed 146 lbs. I
now have a healthy weight of 190 lbs. I was at the end of the line and
followed all the suggestions made by the people in the facility. I just
went where they said I should go and did what they said I should do. At
90 days I slept for 4 hours without waking. Up until then barely a
solid hour was to be had. So I was, as you can imagine, quite crazy and
very unhealthy. There was nothing to do but take it. So that's what I
did.