Does anyone here think that it's actually possible to maintain a friendship with their ex lover?  I've been hearing different responses like it depends on the situation, like whether or your ex is involved with someone new, or it depends why the relationship ended.  Some of my friends have said that it won't work because one person always ends up with feelings, and it leads to jealousy, or the connection isn't there anymore, or there is a connection and it leads to cheating. 
   Just some background, I was with my girlfriend for three years. It was the best three years of my life, she did so much for me and always made me happy.  The problem is I was a selfish ass**** for the last year and a half and we, well.. she ended it one day.  Now she has a new boyfriend and is happy, in college, having a great time and I'm stuck with all of this regret, depression, and I'm still so so in love with her.  When I call, I feel like I'm bugging her, but it's hard for me to resist texting her.  Every morning I wake up and think about her.  It's like I was there for her these past three years, she changed into this great, wonderful girl and now that she's all perfect, I can't have her and it's not fair.  Should I just leave her alone, and see if I can get over her?  We go to lunch every week and I feel like I'm just lying to her because she has no idea how bad I'm in love with her.  And I'm just keeping all of this inside.  Any advice?

I think you should distance yourself somewhat.  You may not be able to change the situation between you two, but you can change your thoughts about her.  Also, she may be feeling unable to express her feelings to you.  Sometimes girls have a hard time telling a guy to bug off.  It may be best to flat out ask if there is ever hope between you two for another relationship, if not maybe you can have a mutual friendship, but not until you're completely over her. 

I've been in similar situations with ex's. This is a tough situation to be in and in my life it seems like when I still go out with a girl after we break up it seems like either she still likes me or I still have a thing for her. It just makes the relationship more complicated and almost unhealthy because if one of us starts dating someone new it makes their relationship slightly false or the other way around. I think one of the hardest things is letting go, but can be the most beneficial. I would just sit back for a bit and maybe in the future you might get back together.

My freind when its over, its over. The sooner it is clear in your mind this reality, the happier you will become. If her attraction dropped so far as to leave you theres no coming back, stop thinking of yourself as being selfish, there is someone out there who you won't want to be selfish with if thats why you think you broke up. Seeing her and talking to her is not going to help you. Stop texting, stop calling, stop going places you use to together untill your over it. The only reason she still is in contact with you is to keep you where she wants you. Take pleasure in the fact that you will get over it and be happy again because you will. Just allow the time for it happen.

 

yepyep said:

The only reason she still is in contact with you is to keep you where she wants you. Take pleasure in the fact that you will get over it and be happy again because you will. Just allow the time for it happen.

HMMM makes sense... I've never thought of it that way..  I also agree, that the least contact possible would be best.  She may have a new man because that's her way of getting over the relationship.  Girls do that rebound sorta thing.  But to distance yourself and actually deal with the break up would probably be best.  Sorry for your loss!  But you'll find someone much better.

I think it is actually possible to be friends with an ex lover.  But however, it's not going to be a healthy friendship unless each person is over each other.  Or else there is going to be jealousy. 

I think its possible to have a friendship with an ex lover but not a close one. Me and my ex are friends but we cant talk every day or else we'll fight. We both still have feelings for eachother and both still care, but so many things happened between us that it completely ruined our relationship and thats impossible to fix. Once you lose respect for someone you never get it back. So were friends but we cant talk all the time and hang out all the time or else it just turns into a fight because either I wont like something she is doing in her life or she doesn't like something in mine. Since we were together for so long we both still feel like we can have some control over the other and we think were benefiting them. Its also much easier to fight with them just because we are so used to fighting all the time. So its like when she says one thing wrong to me I will automatically fip out and fight and vice versa. but for the past few months we talk and hang out about once a month and its perfect like that. I dont miss her as much as long as I get to have that once a month. And we get along. Who knows if we will work out in the future, I hope we do but for now a friendship is fine but only a distant one.

juju22 said:  Once you lose respect for someone you never get it back.

 I don't think this statement is completely true.  Respect can be very very hard to earn back, but if someone is trying their best day after day and they've truly changed and are trying to become a better person with each moment, then I think that's worthy of some respect.  But I can see where you're coming from regarding relationships that've gone sour.  And I agree with what you said about having that distance. 

I think there are a lot of variables that should be taken into place. I personally still stay friends with one of my ex's. It is ok because we weren't in a relationship very long and both agreed it wasn't working. If I were you, I would examine how deeply you feel for each other and if there are still feelings. The last thing you want to do is be hurt. If there is any doubt, I would not stay friends just out of safety for the two of you. That may sound difficult, but in the long run staying out of each other's lives is probably the healthiest.