I was invited with my parents a few years ago to dinner. I really did not want to go I was 15 years old, I thought I was in love with this horrible, horrible guy and I just wanted to hang out with him instead of being at this stupid dinner. Our pastor was there, it felt kind of weird because I had never seen him outsde of church. But he was a really nice man and very entertaining to be around. He would still lecture even during dinner but everything he said was so interesting that you don’t even get bothered that he’s the only person talking for hours and hours. I enjoyed listening to him. That night he was lecturing about love. His lecture changed my whole perspective of it and I actually ended up breaking up with my boyfriend that night because of it.
He said love can come in all different ways, you can love your mother, your father, your spouse, your dog, your bed, even your TV. But the only way you can tell its true love, and love that is worth it is through compassion. Love is not real if there is no compassion. When you love someone, you love for them to be happy more than you do yourself. You care about them, you sacrifice things for them, and above all you always feel its worth it. He looked at me and asked me if I loved my mother, I told him ofcourse I did. He asked if I saw my mother very tired and washing the dishes, would I stop her and wash them for her? I answered yes, he told me that’s an example of compassion. In a relationship your significant others happiness is always more important than your own, but if your spending your time making them happy and yet feeling miserable, then there is no love or compassion coming from their side and that’s how you can tell its not real love. When you spend most your time making them happy, and they spend most of theirs making you happy, then both are satisfied, both are living for each other and that’s the definition of real love.

In my last relationship, it was all about my happiness, and her making me happy.  I never really thought or asked if she was happy.  I figured if she wasn't complaining or crying then she was happy, right?  Turns out she wasn't and we had been working on making the relationship fair, but it just wasn't.  Now I realize how important it is to give and take equally.  I think you can truly be in love with someone, but still not treat them right.  It has to do with the type of person you are.  Back when I was using, I only cared about myself and getting what I wanted, even though I was in love with someone. 

After being in an unhappy relationship for over three years, I can now see what was missing.  I've started dating someone new, and it's the best relationship I've ever been in.  My first relationship was unhealthy, the codependency was there, and I let him define my happiness.  Now that I've grown out of that, I can be my own independent person and it's the best feeling knowing that I'm responsible for my own happiness and well being.  The feeling of love for someone shouldn't be the only reason you're with them.. You could love someone for all the wrong reasons.  But a true, loving relationship is built upon respect, trust, and also responsibility for their feelings and your own. 

I never really thought about love in this way. I love listening to pastors, parents and even friends when you have an ah huh moment when the lightbulb turns on. I think it's important for all age groups to remember what love truly is. This made me look at my life an although I love my parents I think that sometimes I'm missing the compassion part about it. This is something I definitely want to work on.