Frankly and honestly I am writing because I realize that I look forward to whatever will take my mind away from reality. I drink a 5th of Scotch in 2-3 days. I take Lexapro antidepressants at 10mg, but now increasing the dosage to 20 mg. per day. I take Clorizapan (1mg.) at night, will take an Ambien if I can find it, take Melatonin (5mg) to help with the Clorizipan and I'll sneak my wife's pain killers if I think there's enough she won't notice. I took a lot of Vicodine after a knee operation and actually enjoyed the experience. If I could buy marijuana, I would. I would not take meth, crack or heroine, not even on a dare or otherwise. I am smart enough to realize that there are limits. I don't drink until I'm blacked out (very rare) and awake every morning early to work. I am very punctual, don't have hangovers and don't take anything during work. I don't drive under the influence of anything other than coffee. But I realize that a body has limits and I maybe pushing them. I have an operation upcoming to fix a nose has been (for 57 years) a problem...I'm looking forward to being unconscious and the pain killers I'll take for recovery. Why am I this way? My wife and I, married for 34 years, are completely, and saddly dull. We have no sex life, unless we are both drunk. My wife drinks excessively...quart of Vodka per 2-3 days. She also takes Effexor sometimes, 2 x per day.

We are the classic, middle class couple. We make a good living, work together (which maybe a curse) and enjoy progress. While we are deeply in debt because of our business, we continue to sustain ourselves and keep current on all business. We have excellent credit, though the struggling economy has certainly affected us.

I am completely unaware of what to anticipate with this post. I know that I have bodily limits, even though my recent health exams are very positive, no problems, not issues, just a little cholesterol that's a high. Not overweight, but I feel dysfunctional. I am not happy and realize that no drug or Scotch will make me feel better, though it dulls the senses.

So, how to I progress? I am a Christian. I pray every week in church for those who need prayer...and I am purposeful seeking to end the need for those who need other drugs. Yes, my work puts me in interesting positions...including the elimination of meth.

I feel as if I could stop everything sometimes with a simple incident. So, is hope really a phone call away?

Finally, and as I re-read my words...it's clear there is an issue. But I don't know how to approach it exactly without going through a hell situation.

It seems to me that your just bored with your life. You look for entertainment and happiness in the wrong places (drugs). I dont think you realy have a problem but I do think you should cut down on your drinking and stop your daily pills. Do something fun for yourself! Go on a cruise with your wife and some friends. go out atleast a few times a week! Dont sit at home and live a routinely life.

For a while my girlfriend and I had a diminishing sex life.  We had been so much in love, but after going through a lot of trials and a drug addiction, we started drifting apart.  She was falling out of love with my by the hour and making love with her was like a mission.  What I'm trying to say is that unless there is passion in your relationship, your sex life and chemistry with that person will suffer.  As we get older, we still need to work at marriage everyday.  You and your wife have a barrel that needs to be filled everyday with "i love you's" and you need to show each other how you care.  Marriage counseling might be a good idea for you, and also NA or AA could be something to consider. 

"I would not take meth, crack or heroine, not even on a dare or otherwise".. I've researched a lot about painkillers and prescription drugs and I have many many friends who are addicted to them. These drugs are just as addictive and just as bad as meth, crack or heroine. Usually people dont think so becasue they dont come off that way since a doctor gives you them. But they're not infact they are even worse in some ways. Prescription drugs are a new addiction and in some circumstances doctors dont know how to treat it. And once your addiction gets stronger and stronger your going to need more and more pills. A doctor wont be able to prescribe you all these so people usually start getting them off the streets. They are also much more expensive there so thats when addicts turn to opiates, which makes them develope into a heroin addict. I know if your reading all this your thinking "noo that will never be me". But so many have said this before you and they turned into that. These pills are just as dangerous as those big drugs so I really suggest finding a way to get away from them.

Jess55 is right about the prescription drugs being just as dangerous as street drugs. they're just as addictiong and not only could they lead to a street drug addiction but, this is a very new addiction. Doctors dont know exactly how to treat it and what to expect. There arent many treatment centers made specifically for this as there is narcotics and alcohol. Dont get caught up in a mess like this. It seems to me that you can find a way out of it pretty easy, you just need some more fun in your life. And thats manageable. Get away from all these drugs as soon as you can, dont give them a chance to take over you.