My former best friend, her name is Katie has been with an abusive boyfriend for over two years.  His name is Ryan and I had to stop being friends with her because I wanted to kill him everytime I was around him.  Lately she's been running to me because he's been going crazy about the dumbest things.  He beat her up once before and he's just a psycho person.  But recently he found out that she was adopted and he said that she's betrayed him because she didn't tell him.  I can't believe he didn't know because she's Korean and her parents are white... but they're breaking up and it's so wierd because she's so sad about losing him.  I can't seem to convince her that she's so much better off with out him, but what's the best way to get over an abusive boyfriend/girlfriend?

She isn't going to notice the bad things about him, or that he is abusive. All thats going to be on her mind is that she loves him and wants him. Show her something better, and i guarantee he'll be off her mind so fast. If he is abusive he probably also made her stay with him at times, and she is used to that, and thats what makes her crazy is when he doesn't make her. She's not going to realise that she can do better untill she finds someone that's better. Then she is going to look back and realise how dumb she was for even spending a moment with him. I know from experience =)

Ya I think that's a good idea thanks :)  I'll try to hook her up with a good guy, or just be a friend that she can trust.  I hope she doesn't go back to him he's such an ass. 

You dont necesarilly have to hook her up with someone else, just let her see that she has so many other options. He's not the only male in the world and there's plenty other monkeys in the jungle, she could find one whos great for her not someone that is bringing her down.

She'll just get completely fed up with it one day and just be over it like that. I was in that before and I gotover him suddenly and I couldn't even stand the thought of it and it was over like one word he said. I just couldn't take it anymore and that was it. And I know of a lot of people that were like that too so i think your friend will be the same.

My friend is dating a mentally abusive boyfriend and I am very worried about her. He puts her down all the time and tells me she feels like she can't do or meet anyone better because she feels stupid and ugly, which she isn't! He also gets mad at her when she hangs out with friends and is always yelling at her. What can I do to help? He's always breaking up with her too and then told someone he only is with her because he feels bad for her..What can I do for her?

stilettoluv said: My friend is dating a mentally abusive boyfriend and I am very worried about her. He puts her down all the time and tells me she feels like she can't do or meet anyone better because she feels stupid and ugly, which she isn't! He also gets mad at her when she hangs out with friends and is always yelling at her. What can I do to help? He's always breaking up with her too and then told someone he only is with her because he feels bad for her..What can I do for her?

Theres really nothing you can do for her. Let her know you dont support it and that she can do better, hes not the only guy in the world. But she isn't going to listen to you, she is going to have to figure that out on her own. She her some relationships that are healthy like maybe yours or a friends and how nice the guy is to them and that thats how she should be treated.

Jankowski said: My former best friend, her name is Katie has been with an abusive boyfriend for over two years.  His name is Ryan and I had to stop being friends with her because I wanted to kill him everytime I was around him.  Lately she's been running to me because he's been going crazy about the dumbest things.  He beat her up once before and he's just a psycho person.  But recently he found out that she was adopted and he said that she's betrayed him because she didn't tell him.  I can't believe he didn't know because she's Korean and her parents are white... but they're breaking up and it's so wierd because she's so sad about losing him.  I can't seem to convince her that she's so much better off with out him, but what's the best way to get over an abusive boyfriend/girlfriend?

I have to say that reading all of your quotes makes me open my eyes just a glimpse.  I just left my abusive boyfriend and I can tell you that nothing works you have to let her get fed up.  I tried time and time again to leave and its like i wanted to be treated badly because i kept going back.  Its only been three days and I feel like I want to go back but I am done.  I don't have the stregnth to do it anymore.  I am physically and mentally worn out.  Im fighting to keep away from him, and every time he calls he gets more and more convincing but you have to let her get to that point where she can hang up on him or ignore and say I remember all the abuse and repeat it over and over in her head.  Because we remember the good when we leave and it doesn't let us remember the bad, and then we make excuses to go back.  Be there for her don't pressure her trust me she will get tired.

Thanks for your reply everyone.. Labootia thanx especially. Advice is easier to understand when it comes from someone whose been in the situation. Congratulations on your decision to want to live happy and away from an abusive partner.  There's some people who are just better off not involved in your life!

I know this is only a show..but did anyone watch the episode of Grey's Anatomy last night? That lady was in an abusive relationship with her husband and the little girl shot her daddy 17 times. She ended up walking out on him after his surgery. Again, I know it's a show, but she did the right thing by standing up for not only her self, more importantly her daughter. I think it's a hard thing to do, but it needs to be done if you are in an unhealthy relationship.

Just a little insight. I was actually the guy in the relationship many years back. I'm not to sure if it is the same case for all men/young men but all I know when I was in my relationship with my ex-girlfriend we would just isolate each other from the whole world and became obsessed with each other. Over time trust and jelousy became a big issue. I started with verbal abuse, going over the top a lot for minimal things. Then it would be a hard grab on the arm, pinches until eventually enough was enough. After 14 months she literally had to walk around egg shells around me because anything she did or say I would literally snap.
Of course she left me and it was hard but I knew I deserved it. When I look back I lost a very special girl who I loved because of my abusive behaviour.

For girls being abused - There are so many people out there in the world that can help you even though you don't think so. Family, friends and even teachers if you are at school still. Don't be scared to walk away I can only imagine how it must be but there is always support for you just around the corner.

For abusive guys - Think before you act, if you are at a stage where you verbally abuse your girlfriend then really take a step back because believe me you will end up like me. If you truly love her then stop right now because you are simply showing through your actions that you do not respect her. You can also get help but do it fast before it is too late. If you really care and love her then you will look for help.


Edit:
Just a little insight. I was actually the guy in the relationship many
years back. I'm not to sure if it is the same case for all men/young
men but all I know when I was in my relationship with my ex-girlfriend
we would just isolate each other from the whole world and became
obsessed with each other. Over time trust and jealousy became a big
issue. I started with verbal abuse, going over the top a lot for
minimal things. Then it would be a hard grab on the arm, pinches until
eventually enough was enough. After 14 months she literally had to walk
around egg shells around me because anything she did or say I would
literally snap.
Of course she left me and it was hard but I knew I
deserved it. When I look back I lost a very special girl who I loved
because of my abusive behaviour.

For girls being abused - There
are so many people out there in the world that can help you even though
you don't think so. Family, friends and even teachers if you are at
school still. Don't be scared to walk away I can only imagine how hard it
must be but there is always support for you just around the corner.

For
abusive guys - Think before you act, if you are at a stage where you
verbally abuse your girlfriend then really take a step back because
believe me you will end up like me. If you truly love her then stop
right now because you are simply showing through your actions that you
do not respect her. You can also get help and if you really care and love her then you will do it fast.

Thanks for your great advice Monument.. and I'm sorry things didn't work out for you and your last girlfriend.. Hopefully you guys can at least stay friends.  I was with an abuser and I left him.  I was so in love with him even at the time he was verbally abusive.  We use to be a great couple and like you said, we started to only care about each other.  I started going to church and it just made me realize that he wasn't the type of guy I needed to be dating.  I'm much happier now, I remember feeling like this weight was lifted off of my shoulders when we finally broke up.  I realize now the relationship was more of a learning experience for me.