I talked to my daughter tonight. I found out she calls her mom's husband dad as well. I feel very hurt and pissed off. I don't know how to look at this situation. I don't know what to think.

Don't blame others for the things that happen in your life. I'm going through that today. I can't afford to get my teeth fixed. I want to blame someone else but myself. I realize I have no one to blame but myself. No one ever said being clean is a bowl full of cherries, but it isn’t that bad. You allow what happens in your life.

My drug of choice was meth; I smoked it. Over the years of smoking it, it made my teeth decay really badly. Today I went to the dentist for the first time. I found out it will cost me over 10k just to fix them. It will take me along time to do this. You not only pay for your addiction mentally but physically as well. I know screw this is the first thing that hits you, dammit you better realize its just money, you better be thankful you’re alive to do something about it, because I am. My mouth hurts but it lets me know I'm alive.

I had my daughter over night for the first time. It was a blessing. She and I enjoyed every minute of it until she had to leave she didn't want to go and I didn't want her to go. Being clean and sober, also building a relationship with God has given me what my heart desires. We all will go through tests and trials. I will be honest I was pretty nervous about how am I going to do, but then I realized, I'm my own worst enemy. Things between my daughter and I were love for one another. It felt good being the father I know I am.

People trip me out. It seems like people take life for granted. Why, who knows? I did with drugs. I can't count that high how many time I could have died because of my addiction or the choice I made on drugs. Struggle, mad, upset, happy, sad, sober having these feelings lets me know I'm alive. Using with them feelings might had killed me, but God has a reason for me and all of you. One minute at a time. Give yourself a break, don't use today.

I can tell you how to live on the streets, but I can't tell you how to live life, clean and sober. We have to do that on our own. I’ve learned something today, that I need to learn how to deal with feelings. That is something I've never been able to do.... I learned a big lesson in life today. I’m thankful I have a friend that showed me something I need to look at in my life, that’s dealing with my feelings. My feelings have made me mess things up and run from things. I know I'm going to need help from time to time on my feelings, but today I'm going to learn how to deal with them and except them. I’ve never had a father figure or really any guidance in my life until I came to my job. This might sound funny, but I have a boss, a friend and a father figure in one. The guidance I'm getting is teaching me how to live in life.

It's not what you know it's who you know; crazy saying, but very true. Nobody is better than you or me. I say that because people in life forget what the meaning and blessings of life are. For example, I'm doing really well for myself today but that doesn't mean to forget where I've been or to treat people struggling any different. The most important and valuable thing I have in life is time. Think about it and have a good night.

For the bigger half of 30 years I’ve lived my life one hit at a time. There are things in life I’m learning how to do today. Some are a lot easier than I thought they were and others are more difficult than I thought. I find myself setting goals in life I can accomplish. Today there’s not one thing I can find negative to complain about.

There are things in life that are very hard for me to relate to. Like being raised with money; people that have had money there whole life don’t know what it’s like to struggle in life. I don’t have a lot of money, and I wouldn’t change the things I’ve gone through or put myself through in life because it’s made me who I am today. I will admit I wish I had a lot of money to fix all my problems, but I realize that’s an instant gratification, like getting high. I realize it’s not how much you have it’s what you’ve done in life that means something. Anyone can talk, boy have we all done that. Do something today and don’t worry about tomorrow because you could miss the most important thing in your life. Remember you are the one that means the most in your recovery.

Well, I’m still happy about life, but had a setback. I saved ten thousand dollars while in the half way house I stayed in. Well I went to put it into a bank today and found out the three thousand I owe in child support will be taken from me. I pay child support, but they told me it doesn’t matter. It was a setback in my mind, but I realized I needed to take care of it sooner or later. I figured I could take care of it when I do my taxes, I realized thinking like this is selfish on my part. I want to be able to afford my own place and buy things for it, but those are excuses. I will benefit as long as I keep living the life I’m living. I have to keep telling myself that there will be setbacks in life, but God won’t give me more then I can handle.