I have been suffering from anorexia for well over 15 years. 10 years ago I weighed 90lbs when I graduated high school, and I refused to eat a thing. Now, I weigh 140, and I eat just several pieces of fruit a day...maybe a sandwich here and there. I am trying to eat more, have been for a long time, but I can't seem to convince myself to eat more. Several months ago, I could only lose 1lb a month....within the last couple of months, I have lost 10 lbs. I am very active; somehow my body has learned to manage. But I know the health risks of the future. I have already lost a child in utero, due to this illness. Please, I would appreciate any advice you could offer. What should I do now, to kick start my appetite and to convince my psyche that food and eating is a wonderful and necessary part of life? I am aware of the damage that has already been done on my body, and what will continue to happen if I don't get this under control. Everyone around me is surprised when I tell them, almost like they don't believe me. They see this short chubby girl; what they don't realize is that my heart could give out one day from lack of nutrients all these years, and I would just be gone. Or one of those times that I am running up the stairs at work, to try and lose some weight, and I get a pain in my chest; that could be the time that I take the big sleep, right there in the fire escape and no one would even know. I apologize for taking up so much of your time, but I really do need help now, and I'm not having much luck finding in my area. I live in Montreal, Quebec, and my doctors seem to be clueless about Eating Disorders. I have done research, but I'm not a doctor...so I guess I just can't figure out the trick....whatever it is that will help me open that door. Thank you so much, I do appreciate everything that you can do for me.
Many people with anorexia experience what you have listed and more; (scalp hair loss, development of downy body hair on the face, arms and legs, heart palpitations, dizziness, low body temperature, anemia, stunted growth, and even death. Other symptoms may include depression, irritability, memory loss, isolation from family and friends, inability to have a menses, and feelings of guilt and unworthiness.) I am glad that you are aware! That’s a start. You already know that anorexia is responsible for your lack of appetite and the inability to eat normally. You know it is the cause of your compulsion to exercise, even if death is the result. You know that anorexia has damaged your body, heart, mind, and soul.
The important thing right now is to realize you cannot ‘get this under control’ by your self. If you could, I’m sure with your determination you would have done so years ago. This disease cannot be cured with the same mind that created it. Anorexia deprives the brain of important nutrients. The brain can not function properly. This can be so scary, when you finally realize you can not trust your own thinking. But with that, you can recover. Many of us have, but you must get professional help now. This is the trick that can open that door of recovery for you. People of any size can have an eating disorder. You didn’t mention your height only that you are chubby and your friends don’t believe that you eat so little. This can be caused by many different factors: mistaken perceptions, medical problems, or the result of a decreased metabolic rate due to starvation.
Because of your eating patterns your body thinks it is experiencing a famine and tries to hold onto every morsel it can. This is not the way your healthy body works. Your healthy body is so amazing. When you eat normally and healthy the body will balance itself naturally. It knows it will be fed again and there is no need to store it all. I see this increase in weight in many clients who have been yo-yo dieting.
When we starve our body over a period of time it will start using the nutrients from your major muscles and vital organs. These include the heart, lungs, brain and the rest of the nervous system, liver, kidneys, sex organs, muscles and skin. This could be what you are experiencing with the chest pains in the fire escape and your miscarriage. Be honest with your doctor about the anorexia. Ask your doctor for a blood panel. The following tests may be helpful.
- Thyroid Panel (T3, T4, TSH)
- Comprehensive Metabolic Panel (chem-20)
- Urinalysis
- CBC with differential
- Ferritin
- Electrolytes
- EKG
- C3 Compliment
- Bone Scan
- Amylase
There is help available. We work with clients from Canada and other countries. Call us for an assessment, 800-711-2062. We can give you recommendations for the level of care necessary for you. I wish you the freedom to be who you were meant to be, free from anorexia and the obsessive thoughts of food, weight, diet and body image.
Sincerely,
Rebecca Cooper, MFT, CEDS, CCH
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