Dear Nancy,

It is good to know that he is in counseling. This is a difficult issue for him to deal with alone and for you to deal with as his only support at home. It sounds as if your son has become so focused on the Internet, and game playing, that he has let too much of his ‘real life’ go. He needs to focus on how to create goals for himself regarding school and his career. Playing games seems too distracting and now that he has stopped paying for bills or reacting when you talk of shutting off the computer may be signs of something deeper. He may be using the game to avoid dealing with other aspects of his life. This is often the case when it comes to online gaming addiction. The game becomes a safe place for gamers to escape. Players can become so immersed in the game that they avoid difficulties or other responsibilities in their lives. Taking away the game too abruptly can become a difficult situation for your son to handle, especially if he is addicted to online games. You need to set clear limits with your son, giving him a deadline for when he must start to deal with those issues he is avoiding in his life. He needs to set goals for himself. Does he want to go to school? Does he want to get a job? What does he want to do with the rest of his life? At 23, he needs to start taking responsibility for making these decisions. You can offer him support on whatever decisions he makes. Maybe school isn’t for him right now or maybe he doesn’t like what he is majoring in. Or, maybe he isn’t sure what he wants to do for a career. He needs to consider what his life will look like if he continues on this path. He needs to establish a goal beyond getting to the next level of the game. Speaking with a family therapist may also help – if this is something that you can both consider, or for your family to consider, to help your son deal with his gaming habit and help him move on in his life.