My Husband and I have been married for a year now and we are expecting our second child together. We have never had problem in our sex life until we got married. In May, I discovered that he had been looking at porn online. It wasn't anything that I have ever expected in the past and it was something I read online that made me look. I was horrified and hurt. I brought it up to him and we had a huge blow out. I threw out (or so I thought) his porn DVDs that I had also found that he was stashing somewhere away from me. (These videos only have women with women not something I am into). Well, last week I had this weird feeling something was up. He doesn't pay that much attention to me and I just felt like something was wrong. So I looked and found exactly what I thought. Porn, porn and more porn. It was all about women eating each other and swapping stuff from each others mouths and it was disgusting. I found his DVDs that I had thrown away months ago (He had hidden them under the mattress) and I threw them away again. This time I know they are gone. I have talked to him about it and he says he is sorry but I can't believe him. It hurts so bad to know that he would rather look at this stuff then have sex with me. I can probably count on both my hands on how many times we have had sex in a year. Since I have been pregnant (I am 26 weeks) we have had sex twice and that's not including when we conceived. I have a feeling that this porn thing is ruining our relationship. I am actually pretty trusting but when it comes to this and now his lies I can't believe anything he says to me. I have found charges on our credit card for minutes to watch porn videos online. Money is very tight for us as it is. I am the one that is willing to have sex with him everyday but he doesn't want anything to do with me. I have no idea what to do. I have thought about leaving but it's not what I want to do. What would you suggest?
You are describing a person who has possibly both a sexual addiction to pornography and masturbation in addition to sexual anorexia. This avoidance of you is classic. You will feel unloved and alone in this relationship and it usually gets worse, not better if he doesn't get help. For the sexual addiction he can start attending a support group. Sexual anorexia is tougher to deal with. I would start with the Sexual Anorexia DVD then if he is willing, get help together. His secret life can also be measured by doing a polygraph to verify he is sober which he will hopefully take for you if he chooses you over the addiction to pornography and withholding behaviors.
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