Dear Carol,

Thanks for your question. First, I applaud you for your efforts. Sounds like you have tried several things. Becoming and remaining tobacco-free is a learned skill – just like any other skill --- dancing, driving, tying one’s shoes. We learned to smoke, and we learn to be tobacco-free. It takes practice and practice and more practice. And it is a process, not an event. It occurs over time, for most people. That’s why most folks quit, relapse, quit, relapse, quit, relapse and eventually, quit smoking and stay stopped.

I encourage you to use your past attempts as learning experiences. That’s really important because frequently, people view them as failures. Each attempt gets you closer to becoming and remaining tobacco-free. What did you learn from each attempt? What did you learn about yourself as a smoker? What did you learn about yourself as a tobacco-free woman? What allowed you to be tobacco-free for those weeks? How did the relapse occur? How did the relapse start? (It usually starts way before we pick up the cigarette.) What were the tools that helped you to be tobacco-free? What type of support (friends, family, support group, counseling) helped you during that time?

It is important to remember that there is no wrong way to quit smoking. Each attempt is different. Each person is different. What works for you might not be a match for the next person, and what works for the next person might not be a match for you. Part of it is trial and error. The most important part of that – the learning part – is to look at what you did RIGHT. Frequently, when things do not turn out as expected, we look at what went wrong, what we could have done differently. And that is helpful. But frequently, we omit looking at what we did RIGHT in a situation….and instead just chalk it up and say, well, hey, that turned out well. And that’s the end of it. Looking at what we did RIGHT gives valuable information. Success leaves clues, as Tony Robbins said.

I saw a really cool thing a while back that explained the process of accomplishing a goal. There were four parts to the process: Do, Evaluate, Adjust, Repeat. Basically, the thought is that we DO something, then EVALUATE the outcome, then ADJUST, and then DO again (repeat) until we achieve the desired outcome.

Please don’t give up. Keep on trying. The best predictor of success with quitting smoking and staying stopped is repeated attempts. Don’t give up on you, your children or your grandchildren. The fact that you tried several times speaks volumes – says you are committed to becoming and staying tobacco-free. (I’ve been there having smoked 2+ packs per day for many years!) Good Luck! Keep on Trying!

Corinne (Cory) Kalat is a therapist, counselor and hypnotherapist in the Chicago – Oak Brook – Westchester, Illinois. She works with clients for all life, emotional, family, career and personal problems, and is an expert in helping people to quit smoking and stay stopped. She can be reached at 630.263.8888 or crkalat@aol.com