7/13/2011 2:00:00 PM -
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I have been married for 14 years to my husband. I found porn over 6 years ago when I was 8 months pregnant with our third child. I confronted him about the porn I found on the internet and his reaction was to lie and then a false repentance. I found it again, but this time his reaction was the complete opposite. He was angry with me. Since then he never “owned” the porn again. It’s my belief that he has been using porn throughout our marriage. He is completely detached, emotionally unavailable, unreliable, and deceptive. My husband is a firefighter and on his off-days, he is a graphic designer at a sign shop in an industrial. He works alone and is surrounded by computers when he works there. For years, he has struggled with inability to achieve or maintain and erection or premature erection, but his sex drive has been exhausting. He always wants to “try “even if he doesn’t have an erection. Over a year ago our doctor told him that he lost his ability to achieve an erection completely. I believe with all of my heart there is unfaithfulness going on. What do I do when my husband will not admit and I do not have any proof?
Firstly you are describing a possibility of not only porn issues but also intimacy anorexia (not connecting to you). As far as proof, you can ask him to take a polygraph, if he refuses that gives you plenty of information. If he takes it, you both will have the same facts to move forward. If he is willing to do a 3 Day Intensive in our Colorado Springs office, this could fast forward recovery for both of you. Most women who listen to their gut about what is going on are usually right.
I am a mother of an 18 month year old baby girl. I left my husband 10 months ago because I found out that he has been having multiple affairs with women from Craigslist. I have proof of over 75 women that he was responding to and meeting with from these solicitations off Craigslist. Call me old fashioned, but that number seems on the addictive side to me. I believe my husband is a sex addict although he will not admit it. I am trying to protect my little girl from being placed in a 50/50 visitation schedule. I want her to have her father, but I don’t feel it is best for him to be a primary caregiver for her. I am having a difficult time finding a nexus balance between this addiction and the negative effects of children being raised in this type of environment. Could you offer me any advice or help? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
You need legal advice. You can request supervised or visits with stipulations but a judge decides this (not your attorney). To heal from the impacts of his addiction, I would suggest a support group or phone group to work through the “Partners Recovery Guide” (Discovery Press, 2011). When you are ready to date, watch the DVD “Dating Again” (Discovery Press, 2009) so this doesn’t have to happen to you twice.
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